Tell her
by The Gibbslets
Summary: One shot. Tony and Ziva, Ziva and Tony. Maybe the whole world knows it, but them. One night maybe it will all unfold. It was inevitable that they would someday be tired of pretending.


**WARNING LOTS OF TIVA**

_**Also lots of referencs to past episodes so I am sorry if you can't keep up. I think I do a lot f these because I like playing with them.**_

_**I do not own NCIS I just like to play with Cannon ships. **_

**Tell her**

"You should tell her, whoever she is."

He should tell her

But he can't just... Tell her

The car ride seemed longer than it should. The lines on the road flashes past in a blur. Buildings, street lights, trees, all of the roadside scenery was flying past but still he felt he was making little progress over the roads toward his destination. It seemed his thoughts were chasing him and they flashed in his mind as he tried to push them out and remain clear headed. It seemed his car knew where to go as he had no attention to the route he was taking.

The car stopped as he mounted the curb on a dark deserted street and he shook back his attention and turned off the ignition and sat back in his seat, now allowing himself to process thoughts. Tell her. Tell her. Why was it so hard? The thought seemed easy but the actions felt harder than they should. He had to say it, now or never, treat every day as if it were your last. All those clique sayings all meant something to him now as he struggled to open the door and face not his fate but his choices.

It had been a hard day and he wondered if his emotional state would change his resolve but in reality his emotional state was the main part of him that was pushing him in to doing this. Stepping out of the car felt easier than opening the door had been. Perhaps now he had started his body wouldn't let him stop until he had completed his aim. The air bought a biting chill to his skin as he was without a coat in his quick exit of his apartment, body warmth had slipped his mind as it was set on other things. He rubbed his hands together in a hope that the friction would warm him and distract his hands and mind. The apartment building towered above him as he looked up at it. The third floor to the left lights were on, she was still awake. He knew the location of her apartment as well as he knew his own and his feet knew where to take him, the door man nodded at him as he passed and he slowly took to the stairs as the elevator was predictably out of order. He reached her floor too quickly for his liking and he hovered outside her door in the fear that he would lose his confidence or his words when confronted by her.

She opened the door before he had even raised his fist to knock, her ninja senses must had alerted her of someone outside the door. He noted with a fond humour that she hand her hand at her waist where she undoubtedly was concealing a knife or paper clip or any other weapon. She looked so different to her usual work domina, she was in a zone he hadn't seen her in, in a long time and she wore her hair out which was one of the many ways he liked it, it was just curling up at the ends as it was still damp from the shower, she wore simple, too-long track pants which were riding under her heels and a fitted long sleeved top. He drank in her casual aura and didn't speak at first because as feared his words had failed him. Seconds drained away and they stood in her doorway staring at each other, the seconds turned in to minutes and still no word.

Finally, blissfully, she stood aside and granted him unspoken passage in to her home which he took without hesitation and immediate crossed to the window. She opened her mouth as if forming a question on her lips but he cut her off before she had even though up her words.

"I have to get this out." He said quickly "Please." He turned as she saw the pleading in his emerald green eyes. She inclined her head and waisted but it seemed like he was fighting with himself and the words he was going to say. He opened his mouth and then lowered his head and turned around to face her with a confused and pained look on his face.

"Please Tony. You don't have to say anything." She spoke up and gestured to her couch which looked inviting. "It's been a long case." She sat down and waited.

"A long day." He added with a sigh before taking the seat next to her where he looked at her searchingly

"I know." She whispered as she looked in to his now glittering eyes.

But what did she know? How he felt? What she meant to him? What he would do for her? All of the above maybe?

The solitary thought floated between them in the silence as they wondered what their next actions would be, those of affection? Maybe an action of violence, maybe she would become his punching bag, he would have let her anyway.

"I'm tired." She spoke out, she sounded it too, her voice came out in a sigh as her shoulders slouched and her lashes brushed her cheeks as she allowed her lids to droop.

"I'm tired to," He watched her as she gathered up her knees and rested her chin on them.

"What are you tired of Tony? Waiting? Working? Fighting?" She rose her gaze to roam over his pondering expression.

"I need those," his left side of his lip curled in to a semi smile "I'm tired of the act, the games, the chase."

His eyes glittered as he caught hers and she sunk back from his gaze.

"I'm Tired of Pretending." He finally said. The memory of him saying this in the past lingered in her mind, was in on purpose?

"So am I." She played along "I am tired of keeping it in," she smiled slightly "Of bottling it up."

It seemed eye contact was becoming hard for him as his jaw jutted and eyes remained down cast as he examined the creases of the sofa beneath him. "I should- get it out, now…"

She tilted her head to an angle, her eyes on him expectantly as he chewed his lip, his words thoughtful and pondering. She wanted to encourage him but this was his internal battle.

"It's been a while." He exhaled in a slight chuckle "We'll I didn't know it had been until a few weeks ago."

He cast his eyes to the roof as he recalled that evening, sunglasses on his lips, her by the window making arrangements that would never happen with a man who would soon hurt her. You don't know what you've got 'till it's gone. The words were drifting back, "_I'm fine," "…in my life" "Are you?"_

"I'm happy." He decided on as he looked at her softening brown eyes. "Happy."

"Happy, but are you content?" She found herself smiling, this night was full of reminiscing and so many things coming back to them that had been left for so long without discussion.

His jaw set "No." he shook his head. "I'm not content because you're not happy, why is that?"

"I never said I was not happy!" She let her legs tuck under her as she striated up for the explaining of her weakness.

"You never said you were either, you're content but are you happy?" He stared her down and she knew he wouldn't relent until she had answered him. Her lips traced her next words silently as she searched for them in earnest to cover her confusion and doubt.

"I have a home, I have friends, good ones who I can trust, I have a family but- but…"

"Something missing?" He covered her fading words with his own and she nodded in reply. "What's missing?" He watched her. She stood up and paced a little before speaking again.

"I do not know. I do not know what I want."

_Something permanent, something that can't be taken away_

"Be happy," His words sounded like an order as he also stood from the sofa, he took her shoulder gently "_Carpe diam!"_

"Seize the day, which is wealthy coming from you." She replied without pushing away from his grasp on her shoulder.

He blinked a few times and narrowed his eyes in confusion. "What?"

"What? - Oh did I get it wrong?" she looked equally as confused.

"You mean rich, rich coming from you." Tony asked as he persisted with her slow education of American Idioms.

"Whatever, you are avoiding the topic," She took his wrist of the hand on her shoulder. "Why did you come here?"

"To get it out, the beast, the monster the thing I have been bottling away inside." He almost yelled out as all the suspense and pressure seemed to be cornering him as her fought to stay in this confessing state of mind.

"And that is?" She asked back, she took his turning cheek in her hand and held it their so he would have to look at her and he did as his eyes softened and she feared the words that were about to be spoken and then the things she wouldn't be able to prevent herself from saying.

"you." She saw his mouth form the word but the alarm bells and noise of her thoughts drowned out his voice. She couldn't fight the gasp that came next, nor could she prevent her leaning up to him until her nose was in line to his own with his head inclined, she could not stop her lips grazing his own or the hand on his cheek wrapping at the back of her neck, she didn't want to stop their lips meeting as a sob of relief left her at the kiss they had been fighting for so long.

He didn't pull her toward him, there was nothing needing or sexual about this, he felt as if he were going to cry as well as all this time they had been fighting this, they didn't anymore. His hand merely took her waist as he kissed her back and tried not to fall away from the moment in over analysing thoughts. The tears in her eyes did not drip down her cheeks, she managed to contain them because she was not upset. Happy was what she was feeling. She broke the kiss and he looked at her as if for the first time in a long time, his eyes soft and brimming with joy.

"Tony, I am happy." She laughed and he pulled her for a hug as she continued to laugh as he head rested in the crook of his neck. He closed his eyes and stood in her dark living room, maybe this wouldn't last no matter how much they fought for it. Maybe they would drift, fall out of love. Tell her. Everyone had told him to, so why not now?

"Ziva, I have to tell you." He whispered and she drew back her head to look at him. "I have to cross off number 26 on my bucket list."

She looked confused as she rested her hands on him, still in his embrace.

"I am always gonna have your back because there is something about you I can't shake, I guess it has been that way since I met you but it was only a few months ago I realised something. There is a reason I killed Michael, there was a reason I went to die in Somalia and there is a reason you're not replaceable it's because I would do anything to keep you, I would drag you back from the edge in a heartbeat, and that's because…" His voice caught, the words had been going of their own accord and finally he caught up with himself as he gazed in to her eyes, her face, her lips and her hair "It's because I love you, I need you and you need me too."

"Of course I do." She whispered as her eyes darted over her face in a joy that flooded over her face. "I have been waiting for you to say that for ages."

"Since?"

"When Mike- died. In the elevator… I was sure."

"I didn't know then, not properly."

"Then when?"

"You said I was in your life." He rested his forehead against hers and inhaled her airs sweet scent.

"I do love you also." She whispered

The second kiss was just as sweet as the first as he let his hand sink its finger tips in to her hair and her hands wrapped in to his jumper. They swayed where they stood and the night seemed to slow down and quieten as if it was watching them with bated breath. He broke away this time.

"Stay." She purred and took his hands, but to her surprise he shook his head with a small smile

"I have a basement living mute to talk to." He sighed and brushed her cheeks, taking in the moment.

"I am surprised you have not already talked to him." She asked before he kissed her gently once again.

"It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission." He quoted the rule with a shrug.

"What about number 12?" She asked "Never date a co-worked."

He shrugged and let her go to approach the door.

"There are exceptions to every rule." He shrugged and in a moment her left to apartment. The feeling lingered in the room even after Ziva had gone to bed. Something warm and beautiful where they had sat and stood and kissed because finally they were realising what everyone else had worked out a long time ago. Tony and Ziva being together, in the end, it was inevitable.


End file.
